No Children

He went to school on the early 7 a.m. bus to work on brightening his future.

He would bus from school to work his job for 6 hours.

He rode home while listening to 5 different songs.

He felt a deep pang in the 4 chambers of his heart as he told his love there was homework to do.

She replied with 3 frigid words and a long silence.

2 hours passed with out word from her.

If only this was the 1 time he caught a break.

The first time he felt distance from disappointment it devastated him. It did the second time too, and the third, and the two dozen times it came next. Like a sponge he was constantly rung and twisted over what he did wrong. The hurt was new and foreign in a way he had never experienced in such a way that he truly saw himself as a clumsy monster unable to understand the space around or how he interacted with it. Again, again, and again the broken vases and scoldings rivaling those of a furious parent came. The heartbreak struck like lighting splitting the tree of his heart, only to then pull it up and break ground with the roots struggling to keep hold. Again, again, and again. He struggled like a child on an equation he was never taught how to answer, until the day came where he questioned whether he was looking for an answer that didn’t exist.

Every broken heart, every time something was ruined by the distraction, and every time he blamed himself he crept closer to the notion that maybe he wasn’t a careless buffoon responsible for shouldering all the weight, but instead was suffering through something that was just not worth the effort.

When the time came he didn’t need to let go. He simply placed the period on the last page of a story he had grown exhausted by.

 

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